


Something Only We Knew

by svpernatvral



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, End Verse, End!verse, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2013777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svpernatvral/pseuds/svpernatvral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just little fics of end!verse (: no real plot tbh, just some short fics. all in the same universe</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Only We Knew

Cas smiled, listening to Dean babble on about his long day. Or maybe it was something different now, Cas kind of lost track. He was too busy playing with Dean’s hair as he held him close. “I will never tire of hearing your voice.”

    Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas, come on.”

    “I’m sorry. It’s just hard to concentrate on what you talk about because of the way you talk about it. So much life, and just…”

    Dean looked up at Cas and smiled. Cas stopped talking and smiled back. Then Dean looked away. “Have you always liked me? Or is that like, a human thing,” he asked as he leaned more into Cas.

    He considered this a moment. “You’ve always been different, Dean.”

    Dean took Cas’s hand out of his hair and held it. He squeezed it a bit. “Yeah Cas, you too.”

    They lingered in that moment for a bit, letting the words just sit there. But then Cas kissed his forehead. “Get up.”

    Dean groaned. “Why? I like it like this.”

    Cas poked his fingers into where Dean’s ribs ended and Dean practically jumped off of him. He loved that Dean was so ticklish there, and that he was the only one who knew that. Cas laughed. “I wasn’t asking, you know.”

    Dean rolled him eyes again. “Asshole,” he said, but then he gave him a kiss and smiled. He sat down on the floor.

    Cas got up off of the bed. “I thought you might want a treat,” he said with a goofy grin. Then he pulled a small plastic bag with marijuana inside of it from behind his bed.

    Dean sighed. “Cas seriously, I don’t want to.”

    “Come on, Dean. It’ll make you feel better.”

    “No, Cas. It won’t. I don’t need to be fucked up right now. Or ever. I need to be at my A Game at all times.”

    “I know you’re having a rough time, baby. But you need to loosen up.”

    Dean stood up and held Cas by his shoulders. “I worry about you, Cas. You need to lighten up on all this junkie shit.”

    Cas looked down. “I’m not a junkie.”

    _Junkies have a problem. I don’t._

    Dean sighed. “Okay,” he said, dropping Cas’s shoulders. “But I don’t wanna encourage it.”

    “But Dean. It’ll help.”

    “No it won’t.”

    “Please Dean. I swear it’ll make you feel better.”

    Dean rubbed his eyes. “Fine,” he reluctantly agreed, then sat on the bed next to Cas. “Just try to tone it down, okay?”

    “I don’t need to. I have it under control,” he said. And he believed it too. Well, the currently conscious part of him did.

“Fine,” he said again.

They stayed there a moment, just sitting next to each other. Then Cas got up, feeling like it took an enormous amount of effort. He went to his dresser and felt his way through his clothes until he found the rolling paper.

_I’m going to have to change where I put this. Dean will take it away if he knows where it is._

A couple of minutes later he’d gotten his joint just the way he wanted it, and was ready to smoke. He got fumbled for his lighter, and then-

_Finally._

Cas took a deep hit.

_I’ve wanted to do this all day._

As he exhaled he passed it to Dean. Dean bit his lip. “Cas-”

“Just do it, Dean.”

Dean nodded and took it warily. Cas was confused. He knew it wasn’t the first time Dean did it, so why was it such a big deal for him?

_I mean, he drinks all the time. How is this so different?_

    Dean inhaled, closed his eyes for a moment, and then exhaled. He passed it back to Cas.

    It went on like this, Dean taking small hits and Cas taking huge ones, Dean looking wracked with guilt, and Cas just enjoying himself. But like all things, it ended. Cas smiled. “See, don’t you feel better?”

    Dean sighed, then put his head on Cas’s shoulder. “No,” he said with a pained expression on his face.

    “Oh...I thought-”

    “I know.”

    There was a silence, then Cas slowly put his arm around Dean. “It’s not your fault, you know. What Sam did,” he told him, trying to help. He knew it was what he was thinking about.

    “He’s my kid brother, Cas. Any stupid thing he does is my fault.”

    Cas rubbed Dean’s shoulder. “You couldn’t have stopped him from doing what he did.”

    “It wasn’t his responsibility.”

    “And it wasn’t yours to protect him.”

    Dean swallowed, then looked up. Dean softly kissed him, and then broke it but kept close to his face. When he kissed him again, Cas could feel Dean’s tears. Dean’s lips never fumbled, he was always so in tuned with his body when they kissed. But tonight Cas could tell how broken he was, because his lips struggled to keep up with what was happening.

Sometimes being around Dean made Cas sad, and reminded him that he was broken too.

_I failed. I failed at being an an angel, I failed Dean, I failed Sam, I failed the camp. I failed._

As they lied down Cas gently put his hand up the back of Dean’s shirt, feeling his bony spine and just trying to comfort him in any way possible. Dean always liked when Cas felt his ribs or his spine, but Cas never knew why.

Then Dean broke their already broken kisses and rested his head in the crook of Cas’s neck. Cas put his arms around his back and squeezed him. “We can get through this,” Cas said.

Dean replied in his own way, he just buried his face more into Cas’s neck and hugged him back.

_Tonight will be the night that I will fall with this broken man all over again._


End file.
